I'm banging my head against the wall!!!

So after the second visit to the Dr's office today and running into him at the grocery store, where I might add he was more than willing to walk me to my car and have a clinical conversation with me...oh and the third day in his office this week!!! I feel like I am staring at a brick wall. Allison is still having low grade fevers, which have been persistent since before we left the hospital post-operative. She is still having bouts of unexplained crying. Also, some her blood work is 'funny'. She is still being suctioned WAY TOO MUCH for this far out from surgery and the damn surgeon wants us to give a 'couple more weeks'. I'd like him to 'couple more weeks' it at my house. He also made an asinine medication suggestion like he's talking to a rookie mom. This medication is to aid in the speed of digestion. She is not having a problem with that...she just can't swallow you idiot...or poop. Oh yeah she's constipated really bad. I have been working on her from both ends. And to top it off she was crying in the office today and the pediatrician could finally see what kind of crying it was 'whew' and he thinks it's something GI related which could be something totally new and different and above and beyond the current pneumonia she is recovering from. AAAAAAAAA Can you hear me screaming?

And those are only the health problems with her. The anxiety is bad with me, so I take pills, they make me sleepy, so I drink coffee, I then have palpitations and arrhythmia's, less coffee, more headaches, less motivated, dirtier house, more anxiety...see the circle here? I'm not convinced that less coffee is really the total answer I can only describe that I don't feel well and sometimes strange.

Poor Keala feels so cooped up. The purpose of that is to keep out the germs and since we are all taking turns being sick I'm afraid Mommy is not very much fun and kind of cooped up and cranky too. I want so much for this to be over I can taste it. And I hope Jeff doesn't read this, because him knowing how I am really doing and feeling is source of stress.

What I dream of is that he could stay home more and that the phrase "I NEED my Mommy, I NEED my Daddy", wasn't said so often. I also wish not everyone in the doctor's office knew us by face and name (although that can work in our favor sometimes). The other thing I wish for is my Mommy. :(